The news from Rwanda today got me to thinking. Just when I was worried there was a shortage of conservative bishops, Rwanda has promised three more -- so that perhaps half their House of Bishops will be Americans, serving in America.
I've been trying to understand all this. I've been trying to avoid the cynical conclusion that this is just a way for a bunch of Episcopal priests to become bishops. I've been assuming that most of the conservatives are acting in good faith. As the rhetoric and behavior ratchets up on the right, I'm beginning to grow cynical, to notice the ridiculous number of bishops, and to see signs of bad faith.
Now I realize I may have gotten it all wrong. I think a certain company from Greenwich, Connecticut has brainwashed certain Anglicans to espouse divisive ideas. The idea was that things would fall apart, and we'd need a whole new set of bishops. Heck, now we're getting set after set of bishops. Their nefarious plan has been wildly successful!
Yes, my friends, I believe it's all about the purple shirts. Is it the retailer? The fabric manufacturer? How deep does the plot go? If I can find an IRD-esque funder, I plan to continue this investigation. And, definitely, I'm going to buy a massive fake volcano.
As crazy as it sounds to imagine that an ecclesiastical haberdasher is behind all this, I just can't fathom a more rational explanation for why Rwanda needs to have half its House of Bishops operating in the US. I can't see why we need to have outposts from Nigeria, Uganda, Kenya, Southern Cone, and who-knows-where-else?
Oh, and the following groups also all seem to have bishops these days: American Anglican Church, Anglican Catholic Church, Anglican Church in America, Anglican Church in the USA, Anglican Churches of America, Anglican Episcopal Church, Anglican Independent Communion Worldwide, Anglican Orthodox Church, Anglican Province of America, Anglican Province of Christ the King, Christian Episcopal Church, Diocese of the Holy Cross, Episcopal Missionary Church, Holy Catholic Church (Anglican Rite), Orthodox Anglican Church, Reformed Episcopal Church, Southern Episcopal Church, United Anglican Church, United Episcopal Church of North America. I am not making these groups up.
Do you doubt me now? I didn't think so. Find a company that makes purple fabric or that sews lappets. Then spread discontent. Start cashing the checks.
UPDATE: Clearly, Raspberry Rabbit has a better intelligence network than me. Another potential mastermind of the Anglican conflicts is revealed in this posting. If you want to fund my Anglican research, black ops, or liturgical junkets, please drop large piles of unmarked bills in my driveway. I don't like to be outdone by RR, and I think I might work toward Anglican reconciliation chatting it up with various and sundry primates in business class over the Atlantic.